A Dreary Day: Fighting off Loneliness

brendanerinmarried-277Today is just one of those days. Its one of those days where my anxious thoughts are rising and loneliness is right on my shoulder. Brendan is gone in the field for a night doing NLN (Night Land Navigation, they have to find boxes in the dark in the woods.) Days like this I wake up when Brendan’s alarm goes off and dread the goodbye. Knowing he will be gone all day, not have him to sleep with and not have him the next day till late has me discouraged. I know I’ve made it longer but it is never fun.

I realized something last week. My car tire had blown out on my way to work (I didn’t know that because I am an idiot when it comes to any car thing), I knew something was wrong but didn’t know what. I couldn’t accelerate and finally pulled into a neighborhood before work and later had my car towed. As I sat in my car I thought to myself, “There is no one around to help me…” Brendan was already on his way to work and all I could do was call him. I called my boss and she stayed on the phone with me till I stopped driving and then graciously came to pick me up. After some phone calls and putting the kids I nanny on the bus a friend, another military wife, came to my rescue and picked me up and we waited for the tow truck.

After that event and through the next week that thought stuck with me. I couldn’t just have Brendan, my brother or sister-in-law or anyone that is really close to me come pick me up. Although I had a friend that I’ve gotten close with come and pick me up its still not the same as having a family member right there to call and come to my rescue.

Last week and today some loneliness started to set in. I felt like I couldn’t shake it off. I was praying that God would bring me joy each and every day and give me things to not feel so lonely about. It also doesn’t help that Brendan will be gone all of next week too. If you can’t tell, these long weeks and days of him being gone is really starting to get to me. But today something happened…

Today seemed like it was the hardest, as I had to say goodbye this morning. Not feeling the best about the day I got to work and of course one of the kids I nanny (I will refer to them as J and E) was feeling sick and was going to stay home from school, great. All I could think was, “Can’t this just be an easy day where I come home and lay on the couch with a blanket?” After sometime J started to feel better so his mom was okay with him going to school, however, he missed his bus. Then E and I waited for her bus, but of course her bus just happened to be 30 minutes late.. After she was off on the bus I took J to school. Finally I was on my way home.

After coming home is when God started to work. Feeling very anxious I wanted to cancel the devotion/book study I started with some of the wives. But I didn’t, because I knew it was going to be good for me. The women came over, we talked and laughed, talked about how God was impacting our lives and also some about the struggles of our days. I felt a little better.

I then went to let a friends dog out and called my mother-in-law, Lisa, to talk about some of the details of her coming to Stafford next week. Finishing a long conversation with her, we talked about this book she has given me to read about moving, and how hard this first year of marriage is because Brendan is gone so often. After that I was reminded that I still have people around to reach out to that have experienced some of the same feelings I am going through.

After that phone call I got to call and talk to my close friend Niki. She is getting married and asked me to be in her wedding, how exciting! We talked about the wedding, what I’m going through, what she is going through, and this and that. It was incredibly refreshing. And just like that, I plugged my phone in, sat on my couch and my mind was renewed. I was reminded that even though I may feel lonely at times, I am far from that. God gave me people to talk to, people to laugh with and a feeling of joy. How great is that?!

Today started as just one of those days, but is not ending as just one of those days. Boy am I happy that it is going to end better than it started. And to those of you who are reading this that helped me today, thank you from the bottom of my heart! Its so encouraging knowing how many people are around me, near and far, that are able to come to my rescue and help me feel refreshed.

Romans 12:2 “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is- his good, pleasing and perfect will.”

~Erin

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