Why Comparison is detrimental to our Marriage Relationships

Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, or really any social media site, all of them show the best side of our lives. It can be good or bad. Lots of people use it as a way of celebrating something and announcing their wedding engagement, new baby, relationship, job or life change. I have done all of those things, we all have, its not necessarily a bad thing. But, have you ever thought about how you look at a relationship and then all of a sudden are mad the next day, in a bad mood, or wondering why your husband/wife or significant other isn’t like what you see on Facebook?

It’s because you are comparing what you have with your spouse to what you see on Facebook or Instagram.

I didn’t realize I was doing this till a few weeks ago.

Because my husband is in the Military there is not a lot of extra time to do fun activities. Sometimes on the weekends but its not common to be out doing things all day long on a Saturday. Instead there is a lot of Netflix watching, making a delicious meal to have eating time together (NEVER a bad thing), and sitting on the couch. All good things, its just not what you see on my Facebook.

When I first realized this, I complained that we never do anything together. I did that because I was comparing my relationship with MY husband to the many other married military relationships I see doing things on Facebook.

I was COMPARING MY marriage, which is a good one, to OTHERS. Bad idea everyone.

Obviously because they are out doing things in different towns, or had a surprise date day, or are at a new restaurant means that my marriage sucks and there is something wrong with one of us.

Wrong. So so so WRONG.

Comparison is the devil. It slowly creeps into your mind and makes you analyze everything you have in your life, it wants you to realize that it needs or could be better. Just so you can get those extra likes, or loves now, on Facebook or Instagram. Comparison wants to tear you apart and create a superficial you.

Stop. Doing. That.

I can guarantee that it will eat you alive. It will ruin the good parts of your relationship. It will start to tear the other person down (or you) and make them feel like they are doing something wrong when in fact, they are not.

Another piece of advice? Don’t let all of the work of your relationship be done by 1 person. A 2 person marriage is both people putting 100% of the work in all the time.

If you feel like you see a lot of cute couples posting things and then realize you’re saying things like, “We never do anything anymore. Why don’t you do this for me? Why do you never get me this? Why do you never surprise me?…” to your SO (significant other) stop saying that. Seriously, stop. You are comparing. And also, when did complaining ever get anything done?

You might be waiting for them to ask or be the proactive one for different things, and if you are, stop. If you want something done in your relationship be proactive about it. (this is where you are putting your 100% of the work in) If you are going to do it just to fill the need of your Facebook conscious that says “Post me! Post me! Like me!” you are doing it for the wrong reasons.  Instead, actually plan something, and then come to your spouse with LOVE and say, “I was looking at what we could do this weekend and it looks like (example) is going on. I think it would be really fun for us to go and get some time in together.”

Oh, here is another challenge. After you go do that thing, DON’T POST IT TO FACEBOOK.

What?! People won’t know how good we’re doing though! Or how cute we looked at that concert!

Good. They honestly don’t need to know.

I don’t want this to sound like you should never post to social media what you’re doing, but when you do, think about the reasoning behind it.

Are you doing it because comparison was stirred up in your head and you need to fill the void?

Are you doing it to make your life feel and look better when you don’t actually feel and look that way?

Or is it just because you feel really good and want to show your spouse off to the world?

Whatever the reason may be for what you do in your marriage, or relationship, don’t let comparison be the driving reason behind it. What you do in your marriage should be for the benefit of you both working together. It’s really hard and at times. But when you do put in your 100% effort, its so much more rewarding; more rewarding than a million Facebook likes.

So please, next time you see yourself comparing your marriage to others on social media, stop. And remember that selfless love should drive your marriage, not Facebook.

2 Corinthians 10: 12 (ESV) “Not that we dare to classify or compare ourselves with some of those who are commending themselves. But when they measure themselves by one another and compare themselves with one another, they are without understanding.”  

Thanks for reading,

~Erin

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